Friday, May 17, 2013
Sometimes things come to us easily. There are things we are naturally good at, instinctively know how to do, and we don't think twice about them. Then there are things that take so much effort, seem to come so slowly, and take so much determination that we wonder if it's ever going to work out. We wonder if maybe we just aren't supposed to have that life or accomplish that goal. But those thoughts are lies, because I believe with all my heart that we are meant to be happy, that the dreams God has planted in our hearts are meant to be there. They are meant to be accomplished and experienced. Many times we are our own worst enemies, and we reap the consequences of bad choices and bad behaviors. Sometimes it takes a long, long time to get where we're going, but all that matters is that we get there in the end.
I've been thinking lately about how difficult some things have come to me in my life, and specifically how B and I have struggled to figure out how to build our family. I always wanted four kids, but we thought we were done with three. We were faced with many challenges that all seemed to point away from growing our family. My health was the biggest factor, with my arthritis and my pelvic and back pain taking years to resolve, followed by plenty of financial issues, and I felt I was stretched to the limit and couldn't handle one more anyway. Time went by and things didn't change like we would have wanted, so it seemed our decision was made for us. I always said I wanted all my kids close in age, and I was this close to being able to get a job and do something outside the home. I thought God was simply telling us no.
It seemed I had to let go of the dream in my mind, and I thought I had. I was kind of bitter that our circumstances made the decision for us, that we didn't have the freedom to decide for ourselves, but I figured sometimes life is like that. Then came a day when I realized that though things are less than perfect, and we are still dealing with those same issues even today, I wanted another baby. I have always believed you can make anything happen if you try hard enough or want it badly enough, and though that has been tested over and over through the years, I still believe it.
If everything came to us quickly and easily, we wouldn't know the satisfaction of enduring a struggle and coming out the other end. It's only when we go through hard things that we can appreciate the good things--the blessings and the easy victories.
This baby is going to be with us any day now, and she is going to be such a blessing in our lives. I've had nine months to prepare, but I still can't believe that it's really happening, and to me! I get giddy inside thinking about doing the mom thing all over again with another little person that God gives us. It's been five years since Olivia was born, and in many ways I feel like we're doing this for the first time. It's definitely going to be an adventure. But I know from experience that those first few months fly right by, and I know to soak up every minute of it. And I'm an expert at changing diapers, so there's that. Also, I have built-in babysitters, which will be amazing!
God has been good through all of it, and going through all the back and forth, back and forth over the years has taught me that sometimes I need to see things differently and let go of the picture in my mind of how things are supposed to be or are supposed to happen. I'm so glad we decided to go for it, and that God opened my eyes to see things differently. There are many things in life that we can't control, but that doesn't mean we give up. We adjust our sails and keep sailing. It didn't happen my way, but it's happening anyway, and I can't wait! Hurry up, baby!
Posted by Tanya at 1:24 AM