25 weeks

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

It has been a long day that went by too quickly, but I'm nice and tired at the end of it, like usual. I find myself pushing through the end of the day a lot, trying to make it to bedtime and get all my ducks in a row before I go to sleep and do it all over again. I have been tired and out of breath lately, and I get this weird feeling throughout the day, probably from my low blood pressure. I just feel like a weight is sitting on my shoulders and my arms and legs turn into logs, kind of like I just sprinted for a minute and drained every ounce of energy. Sometimes I literally have to lean over and rest my arms on my legs for a bit, except that I didn't even run a marathon. :) It's nothing I haven't felt before with my other pregnancies, but I still don't like it. I notice that every time I take the stairs I am breathing so hard for a few minutes after, it's actually kind of funny. I can tell the uncomfortable stage of the pregnancy is just around the corner.

I'm 25 weeks in this picture and growing every day. I had to do some necessary shopping this week because I literally had nothing to wear anymore. The baby kicks and kicks, and I sit and imagine what she's up to in there. She's just been so active. I finally have the urge to start brainstorming names; I just need to find the time. My bloodwork at my last two appointments showed low platelets and now low iron as well, so I'm going to be checked every four weeks from now on to monitor it. I thought all those pomegranates and all that spinach I've been eating would have helped, but no dice. My heartburn is better but there are still bad days where nothing helps. Then I drink kefir. Sleeping is like torture because my back and pelvis hurt, and when morning comes, I'm glad I get to get up and be done trying to fall asleep again. My belly is getting itchy and it just seems to be so low this time around. I am getting kind of impatient because I want to meet this little angel already.

A lot has been going on these last couple weeks, mostly emotional things, and I've been keeping to myself, trying to sort it all out. Yes, I'm hormonal and cannot wait to feel like myself again, but a few things outside of that really triggered some bad days full of doubt and stress. I've been trying to shake the dark cloud ever since, and part of it I don't want to talk about. I tend to withdraw inside myself when I'm going through something, and it's good that I always make it out the other side without anyone's help (but my sweet husband), but I know it would be helpful to be able to tell someone. That's just how I've always been--I'm too scared of coming off whiny or ungrateful and looking foolish as a result, so I keep it to myself. Plus I would just break down and ugly cry.

One thing that really hit me hard was the fact that my pelvis is out of alignment again. I spent years going to physical therapy and doing my exercises at home to strengthen and maintain my results once it was put back in position, not to mention the thousands of dollars I spent and am still paying off. I thought I was done with that part of my life, and now all the same pain, all the same issues, are repeating themselves. It's kind of like those recurring dreams that just won't leave you alone.

I've had pain in my pelvis for at least 5 or 6 weeks now, but I thought if I wished it away, it wouldn't be what I thought was going on. Then it got so bad that I couldn't do anything but face it. I thought I was fine until the day of my first physical therapy appointment last week. When the PT confirmed to me that my pelvis was out again, I could barely wait to get out to the car to let the tears flow. I was literally blinking them back the whole appointment, and the poor lady noticed. :) She probably thinks I'm crazy. I didn't know what was going on with me! I think I just wanted this time in my life to be different, to be easier in certain aspects and be able to enjoy it more, and it just hasn't been the case at all. I feel defeated and deflated.

I'm tring to get over the disappointment and trying to hope for the best. I hope that my pelvis is fixed easily after I have the baby and it won't be three more years of pain, appointments, and expenses. I just have these next three months to get through, but hopefully doing physical therapy now instead of later will help manage the pain. I have my first pool therapy session tomorrow morning, which I've never done before, so I'll be sure to fill you in on how that went. I'm betting it will be me and a bunch of really old people in the pool.



Nelya said...

Praying for you dear:) After the rain there will be sunshine... I know it's hard to stay positive but let God be in control, trust in Him and I believe everything will work out for you! I'll keep you in my prayers:)

Tanya said...

Nelya, I appreciate the prayers, thank you so much! Sometimes it's all we can do and trust God to work it all out.

Anonymous said...

You look great Tanya! ..You're almost there;)

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